For most of my life, I had no idea that I was attracted to women. It was buried beneath layers of trauma, internalized misogyny, and compulsive heterosexuality (comphet). Most importantly, I was completely cut off from the signals that my body was sending me. Long before I reached an age where I’d feel physical attraction, I became disembodied. I learned to ignore my body’s needs and wants, to feel what I was expected to feel or nothing at all, to exist to be used by someone else. Before I developed physical desire, I developed the womanly body parts that men desired. Before I knew what I wanted, I went along with anyone who wanted me. Having never felt loved, I craved and chased attention. That was easily attained from men. My own body was a source of shame, and girls’ and women’s bodies were a source of danger. I interpreted READ MORE
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Being Seen
From Hiding in Plain Sight to Finding My Voice I recently joined a Toastmasters club to overcome a lifelong fear of public speaking, and this week I gave my very first speech, the Ice Breaker, intended to let fellow club members get to know me a little bit. I told the story of my transformation, of losing 200 pounds and coming out to myself as gay, and how I went from being afraid to be seen to wanting to be heard. This story illustrates my journey down the path I describe on this site: I listened to myself, embraced who I was, and changed my life to be that person. Learn yourself. Know yourself. Be yourself. Thank you, Madam Toastmaster, fellow Toastmasters, and our very distinguished guests. I’m going to start with a question. Has anyone here seen the campy ’80s movie The Man with Two Brains starring Steve Martin? READ MORE
Why “Centered Self”?
Names matter to me. There’s something so satisfying about landing on the name that perfectly captures the personality of a pet, the core idea inside an essay, or the philosophy behind a new business. When I had a farm with forty chickens, every single one had a name and a reason. Take Doris, the Polish chicken with the bouffant hairdo. My friend from Alabama took one look at her and said, “She looks just like my meemaw with her hair did!” It’s no wonder I took so much care in coming to the name Centered Self. My coaching colleagues may have rolled their eyes at me a little bit as I talked it through in training sessions. But before I found the name, I uncovered its meaning. The search started with my tattoo of the Chinese characters 中孚, Zhong Fu. I studied a bit of the I Ching when I READ MORE